Gagging for Gadgets and Gizmos

There’s nothing like a gadget, and I’m one of the biggest suckers of them all for gadgets and the like. First let me give an explanation of what they are.
Gadgets tend to be more unusual or cleverly designed than normal technology. In some circles the distinction between a gadget and a gizmo is that a gizmo has moving parts, whereas a gadget need not have them. For example, a nifty digital watch would be a gadget, while an analogue watch (one with hands) would be a gizmo. In contrast, a device of clever design that has no practical purpose is called a novelty item, but novelty items just don’t float my boat, they don’t do any thing.

So What!

So What! I hear you say get to the point. Well the one thing that has stopped me over the years from accumulating hundreds of items I didn’t need was price. The cost of a well designed, well manufactured rotating Laser level for example would stop me in my tracks, “I don’t need it” I would say, “the last time I needed one of them I rented it for thirty Euro”. Reason prevailed and the child in the sweet shop scene never happened. (Any one that don’t know what a rotating laser level is, tough!)

But it’s gone all pear shaped.

There are a number of retailers now in the Irish market that know there are plenty of slobbering eejits like me all too eager to part with handy cash for compass watches and pocket knife sharpeners and, YEAH you guessed it!, rotating laser levels. I bought one. I know I shouldn’t have. But the price! The price! I had it all justified in my head. The same way I had justified buying that Kebab in Baggot Street one time, I knew it wouldn’t agree with me but I still went and bought it, sick for two days but I could blame the rashness of buying the Kebab on the demon drink.
But I was stone cold sober buying the rotating laser level, I knew at the price buying it was going to be a risk, but there might be a chance that it would work, Oh! Did you ever hear such desperate words “there might be a chance” JP McManus did not get to where he is today by backing horses on the premise that “there might be a chance”.
Now the thing about a rotating laser level is it has to be accurate - if it’s even slightly out it’s as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike, and as dangerous as using your motorbike petrol tank as an ashtray.
I brought the thing home and checked it out and, to be quite honest, I am too embarrassed to tell you how far it was out, only to say that if this thing was on the Titanic when it went tail up it probably would have been responsible for the sinking in the first place and as the Titanic slipped vertically beneath the waves the rotating laser level would have given a perfectly horizontal reading.
Ok! most people that bought these things will only use them for putting up wall paper and, other than some mild embarrassment when the neighbours call, there should be no harm, as long as no one starts building houses with them. I have to finish up, I am not going to give the “don’t be buying this stuff” lecture, I am one to talk, but maybe the managers of these stores may look with pity on poor wretches like me and at least attach a warning that these items have a limited use. Just ask any of the lads at the search and rescue at Doolin of the dangers of using a cheap magnetic compass. The garages and utility rooms of the country are being filled with under priced overrated yokes allowing us to inadequately fulfil childhood dreams, and maybe it’s time for the likes of me to get real. I wonder should there be a support group?